Watch this space...

So after almost a year of disuse, I decided to pop open the hood, blow off the dust and fire this puppy back up. It is sad how bad I have been on the upkeep on this thing but that will be changing. So prepare to read more inane crap, peppered with useless minutae, obscure references and bizarre humour. I promise to blow your mind. Or at least breath on it heavily and make everyone involved feel very awkward. I bid you good day.

SummerFest Recap, Day 2

Well, only 22 days late. Ehh, deal with it. I've been distracted. Today's soundtrack while I write this is Seabird's "Til We See The Shore" (which honestly, reminds me a little of Augustana). Also enjoying Champion's "Chill Em All" (a nice little electronic thing).

On with the recap: nothing extracurricular here other than before we got to SummerFest, we stopped for lunch at Soma's. Soma's is a great sushi place on Washington where we proceeded to have some great sushi (which is saying a lot for me, since I typically don't like sushi) and quite a few "sake bombs". Nice experience, nice happy hour prices all day Sunday. I recommend it if you're in the area on a Sunday.

So we go from Soma's to Steven's apartment (who is just a few blocks from the park), have a drink or two and proceed to walk to the festival. We get there just in time to catch some of Yeasayer.

Yeasayer is a great band. My only regret was not getting to see more of them. The hazards of doing one of these with a group...oh well. But what I did see reminded me of what a great album "Odd Blood" is. Would love to see this experimental outfit again.

At this point, we had given up all of hope checking out any of the smaller acts...which brings me to my biggest complaint about this thing: scheduling the lineup. By putting the main acts back to back, they pretty much assured that most people were not gonna sample some of the smaller offerings. If you wanted to see Chromeo, followed by Cut Copy, you were not gonna have time to wander around and check out other smaller groups. Next time, maybe the organizers can stagger the big acts, either by putting a blank slot in the spot or a smaller act or acts between the bigger artists. Minor quibble but still, kinda limits your time. But I guess that's a testament to the strength of the lineup this year.

Moving on, next up was Chromeo. They were a huge hit with our group, even the peeps who had never heard them before. Strong show, really like their brand of electrofunk. Very cool show. The lead singer (David Macklovitch or "Dave 1") knew how to really get the crowd into it.

Next was a local rap/noise act called B L A C K I E. Was not a big fan of this so we took the opportunity to catch a respite from the heat. So, shade and cold drink was the name of the game. We chilled out for a little bit and then went back and got a good close seat for the next show.

The next to last show was Cut Copy. Next to Weezer, I was most excited about these guys. I had stumbled upon their stuff a couple of years and really dug their electropop/80's new wave/synth rock sound. And these boys from Melbourne, Australia did not disappoint. They put on a great energetic show that was easy to get involved in. In fact they had people on the side of the hillside jumping up and down. It was cool to turn around and see that. The only downside was the heat and stuffiness had been ramped up and I saw the first signs of genuine irritation from fellow attendees. Nothing major, just a little flair. People were pushing and trying to force their way to the front. But it disapated as quickly as it appeared.

And now we arrive at the highlight for me: Weezer. This show was just awesome, start to finish. Tired, exhausted, hot, knowing I still had a lot of steps to take before I ended up in my bed asleep and waking at 4:30 am, I did not want their set to stop. They were that good. They played their well known stuff (though they saved "Buddy Holly" for an encore), a lot of their album songs that I love, "Suzanne" a B-side from the mid-90's and a they covered Radiohead's "Paranoid Android" (freaking awesome and it blew my mind!). I was in heaven. My throat was sore from screaming along the lyrics to every song, I was hot, hungry and had a headache...but content in that moment. That's what is amazing about music and it's power over us. It can connect us to hundreds of thousands of our friends as we share a moment. Or it can connect us with the band and take us to a place where we are all alone in a moment where nothing but us and the music exist.

Cool moment: During one of the songs, Rivers Cuomo had moved on the stage to our side (I was real close). I yelled out and pointed at me, he smiled and pointed back at me. The only thing cooler would have been to get a high-five (which some lucky fan got later) but I was happy. It was a moment I will always treasure.

So, all in all, a good experience. I was exhausted and spent the next day recovering after I got home from work. But it was so worth it. Hopefully the lineup is good next year and I can afford it. And hopefully, I will have someone to go with and share the experience.

SummerFest Recap, Day 1

As I sit here today, music is on my mind. For a myriad of reasons, I suppose. One reason is I'm sitting here listening to The Farewell Drifters new album "Echo Boom" (which I am thoroughly enjoying...not at all what I was expecting and I am happily surprised). Another reason is decompressing from Free Press Summer Fest 2011. And that is the gist of today's entry.

I had the privilege of attending this event in the gloriously spectacular area of Eleanor Tinsley Park near downtown Houston. My sister-in-law joined me and she had a friend who was kind enough to open her apartment to us (which is great because I ended up leaving my truck parked there for the duration). Her friend even offered to drive us to the Fest and pick us up afterwards. We took her up on her offer. So we drive over to the park and just happen to see some of my sister-in-law's friends walking, so we get out and join them. I'm already enjoying the vibe being generated but the companionship and all the attendees in general. This was to be a theme for the weekend. This was about people having fun and not getting trashed and starting crap.

So after a slight speed bump getting in and waiting in a really, really long (but fast moving) line, we enter. We begin our walk to the Main Stage (which unbeknownst to me at the time, is where we would end up for the majority of the weekend) and as we walked, we looked at the various booths, stages and vendors. It was a cool scene (though sadly, not literally).

We get to the Main Stage and setup close to the middle, close to the stage. Not long after, we are rewarded to a great show by Big Boi (one half of OutKast). Wow, such a good unexpected show. Look, I don't know about you but I've witnessed a lot of Hip Hop/Rap shows and it's a mixed bag. Sometimes they're good shows but more often than not (and I mean 8 times out 10), they're nothing more than self celebratory circle jerks where the main act keeps pulling their posse into the show and letting them perform. Or the sound is so bad, it's like the subway automated voice yelling at you. Not fun. And even though Big Boi did pull some fellow performers on stage to perform with him or instead of him briefly, it didn't diminish the show but rather enhanced. And there were no sound issues (which was to be that way for the most part at the Main Stage for the weekend). Big Boi threw down some classic OutKast with "ATLiens", "Ms. Jackson" and "I Like The Way You Move" (though I've always considered it a Big Boi song more so than OutKast) and some new stuff off his solo effort. It was a nice mix and worked very well and the crowd really responded, despite the heat. Funny aside occurred here: about two songs in, I felt someone tapping my shoulder. I turned and saw an old friend that I went to High School with. I have seen and hung out with her many times since but just found it funny to run into her there (this would happen again 3 other times with her).

So after Big Boi, we went to procure refreshments. Long lines and crowds were to be a recurring theme but in 99% of these interactions, they were positive and everyone was polite and respectful. Which still amazes me with the heat that things didn't get ugly. Thank goodness for small miracles, I suppose. So drinks acquired, we moved back to the Main Stage (here on, know as "MS" for laziness sakes) to catch the always amazing Ms. Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings. This time, we just copped a squat on the hill rather than join the unwashed masses. The Dap-King's brand of updated soul/funk was refreshing to hear and Ms. Jones knew how to shake her "groove thang". It was a great show and I'm glad I got to see it.

Next, we walked around a bit, met up with more people (including one very hot chica...yow! Not that there weren't a ton of very attractive females there and more than a couple I talked to and maybe even got some numbers...well, never mind :P), had Meeting #2 with my friend and relaxed a little before the next show. And the next show was Beirut. Beirut, as I knew they would be was amazing. Such a distinct sound and any band that can play the instruments they do, and weave together such disparate sounds together will always interest me and get my respect.

And then we reach the final act of Day 1: Ween. Now, I'm not a big Ween fan. In fact, we had planned to leave early and get started on the rest of the evening early. Plus, I was getting hungry and I preferred not to buy food there, so I was ready to jet. But then Ween, took the stage and I actually found myself enjoying it. Ended up staying for most of the show when the group decided it was time to leave, so we left. There were some other events that occurred but I haven't received permission from the parties involved to relate them so for now, those stay private.

Lessons learned on Day 1:
- I need to not wait so long to eat, especially if "adult" beverages are involved (I know, I know!)
- Houston in June is extremely hot (okay, being a resident for my entire life, this is nothing unknown)
- Apparently, I am still attractive to the opposite sex and still have a little game
- Ween is much better live
- Big Boi can put on a good show and I would see him again
- My magic powers still work

Day 2 to be continued in the next installment....

Bah, bah...this is the sound of blogging...

So, I decided enough time had passed and it was time to post another entry. Since my last entry, life went a little haywire for me. I won't bore you with the details, but that said, it's been a life changing four months. Some bad, some good. Bad situation that I'm pulling positive from.

Unfortunately, my writing output has slowed a little. On here and other projects I was working on. But I hope to be coming out the other end of that. Wish me luck. So onward...

As I sit here writing this, I'm listening to the new Death Cab For Cutie album and digging it. More upbeat than their previous efforts. I like it. Of course for me, most Death Cab albums are like getting underneath a worn and comfortable blanket on a cold and rainy winter's day. There's just something familiar and comforting about them. This one is no different. From Ben Gibbard's vocals to Chris Walla's guitar, it just continues to work. Though I would still like to have another Postal Service album as well. Oh well, beggars and choosers blah blah blah.

So speaking of music, I will be attending Free Press Summer Fest this weekend and am incredibly excited. My first time to check out Weezer live. Lots of really cool bands. I can't wait. Just wish I could share it with my festival partner but that is not possible at this time. *sigh* Oh well, make the best of it, I always says....Felt like I was turning into some turn of the 19th century English scoundrel mentoring some Oliver Twist/Jim Hawkins type of street urchin for a second there. I'm too tired, methinks.

Alright, my brain is already tired from a lot of outside forces so we end it here for today. But I'll leave you with this thought: Lady Gaga scares me. Don't know what it is exactly about her looks but she reminds me of Marilyn Manson and it freaks me out a tad bit.

A weekend for choices and a project undertaken...what's not to like?

So, I finally sat down and began vigorously writing this past week. Don't want to say too much about it as it is still in the fetal stage at only about 10 pages. But it feels good to have the ideas flowing out of my brain onto the page. Usually they just flow out to nowhere. Yay for progress, I suppose. But I like how it feels. What I've written so far seems very organic, not forced. I've set for myself what I feel is a very easy-to-reach goal of writing two pages a day. So far, so good.

This weekend will involve a gathering of cousins for fun and frivolity. I'm excited as this is not something that happens very often and we're attempting to make it a more regular thing. It's retarded since we grew up together and now that we're all grown up, we all live no more than 10 miles from each other (some like 5 minutes away!). Every family gathering we talk about getting together but nothing happens, so here we go. Actions, not words! Huzzah!

Also happening this weekend, my wife said something to me yesterday about going out this weekend. As I have expressed on these very pages previously, I am total cinephile. Unfortunately, through a combination of kids, time and lack of funds, this happens so rarely it's more of an occurrence than a happening. But this weekend, we are gonna indulge that desire and do it. But now, the question becomes: what to see? There are three things up that I really want to see. It's hard to pick just one. My three choices are "Black Swan", "The King's Speech" or True Grit. Each has things pulling me to it but right now, I am leaning towards "The King's Speech". Every year, I bemoan the fact that when the Oscars arrive I haven't seen any of the nominated films. Not this year. This year...it's personal.
Those last few sentences you should imagine with the movie trailer guy's voice saying it; a close up of my face, eyes squinting with intensity; and ominous and cinematic music behind me.

So, if you were voting for a movie for me to see, what would it be? Give me your reasons. Next week sometime, I'll post what I went to see and my pitifully inadequate review. Good weekend to you all and to all, a good weekend.

Be a better lover and please her with your enormous foot...

Ha! I could hear you pondering, wondering "Will the infamous Robot Monkey post another blog before the year ends? Will he continue any of the supposed ongoing columns, like 'Date Night' or 'The Best of... List'? Is it true his tears will heal a unicorn of flatulence?"

First, the answer to your last query...yes, they do. Also, they act as a unicorn aphrodisiac, which yes, is slightly disturbing.

Second, to your next question...undecided. I honestly am just gonna play how I feel. So, maybe.

And thirdly...well, you have answer, don't you? Oh snap.

Now that we have the formalities out of the way, on to the hilarity. Or as I like to call it, the insomnia killer. Yes, it's true. My brand of humor has been know to induce vomiting or sleeping, varying from person to person. Enjoy!

Well, I have had an interesting week last week. And when I say interesting, I mean boring. One of the highlights that I feel compelled to share is clearing out my junk email inbox. Normally, this is done with the minimal of paying attention to subject lines. I usually just look at the addresses, looking for legitimate emails that slip through the cracks. This past week (for whatever reason) I paid closer attention than I normally would have to the subject lines listed herein. I was rewarded with a menagerie of bizarre subjects to emails that I would never have believed. So without further ado, here are some of the subject lines I actually had in my junk email. No addresses or anything though since I'm not gonna give them free advertising. They are presented here, unedited with all punctuation, grammar and spelling left as is.

(Note: Some of these are sexual in nature and contain some adult language. Reader discretion advised.)








"Engorge her with your mansword"
"Have a much huger erection than she wants"
"Ass rimming the easy way"
"No white rabbit but gold is coming your way"
"Caution! A money opportunity!"
"Someday your prince will come"
"Enlarge your bust 3 times!!!"
"Kan you helps a man fellow?"
"What keeps you young? luving rabbit style!!!!"

And the award for most bizarre goes to...

"Hot latinas banged by Germans"

I'm sure my junk mail is no different than yours but usually I just scan it and don't really read it. Wow.

If we don't talk again before the holidays, Happy Christmas and A Valid New Year!

Shalom!

Once again, sailing the Seas of Bloggery...

So, yeah....lameness.

Let's see: my last couple of blog entries have been posts have been about my lack of a new blog entry. And the last one was apparently last year.

Lame. I know.

So, no more promises. No more lame excuses. No more references to absences on the Seas of Bloggery. Just the blogs. Take 'em or leave 'em. Enjoy them or don't. Now, on with the show.

SO, my wife and I have been trying to find new ways to spend time together. But we're kinda poor and have three kids, so going out is not always an option. So I had an idea. Cinema is one of my passions. Food is one of hers. So I thought, "Why not marry the two?" And the idea of a regular thing is born: dinner and a movie...with a twist. The idea is this: I will pick a movie she has never seen and she will fix a meal in the same theme. This way, we both expose the other person to a new experience while simultaneously sharing our passion with each other. Help us learn a little about each other. I wish we had thought of this years ago.

Nevertheless, we are both excited. For our first date, I select Fellini's 8 1/2, one of my favorite films. Of course, I had a slight ulterior motive in selecting an Italian film.

I have been requesting Chicken Parmigiana (one of my favorites) for some time now. I thought by selecting Italian, I would push her into my corner. Imagine my surprise (and disappointment) when she immediately informed me, that her meal would not be Chicken Parmigiana. Ahhh, man. Instead, she decided on Braised Ribs, polenta and asparagus (which I abstained from since I am not a fan of asparagus). She was going to make tiramisu for desert but apparently the story was out of ladyfingers. Sad face. So, Sunday night arrives. We put the kids in bed and sit down to enjoy dinner, the movie and most importantly each others company.

First, the meal. The ribs were great. The polenta...eh. Reminded me of something akin to oatmeal or grits, that same kind of consistency and texture. Didn't hate it but was not my favorite. It did well mixed with ribs and the gravy from the ribs. All in all, a very enjoyable meal (but still not Chicken Parmigiana...I know, I know, I'll shut up).

Next, the movie. I love this film. I haven't seen it in a couple of years which allowed me to watch it semi-fresh again. Marcello Mastriantonio is Fellini's alter ego in this essentially and is great. Claudia Cardinale is absolutely radiant in her small role as herself and as Mastriantonio's vision of the ideal woman. The movie waltzes from reality to fantasy that by the end of the movie, the lines aren't so much blurred as erased completely. A brilliant portrait of ego, creative block and the pressures of living up to high, almost unreal, expectations. Several films owe their birth to this movie: Stardust Memories, Living In Oblivion, Nine (a musical adapting the movie) and a host of other films. A great film, consistently on top of many "Best of" lists.

Afterwords, we talked about the film: if she liked it, what we liked or didn't like, what did particular things represent, overall impressions, etc; Overall, it was an enjoyable evening of good food, good cinema and good companionship. What more can you ask for?

....except for maybe Chicken Parmigiana :P.

Failing is also half the battle...

So...yeah.

Here's the wiki entry on this.

Then, insert me and a snapshot of this blog under the definition. Yikes.

Has it really been since April since I posted an entry? Just a short paragraph but still a lame ass entry.

Sorry. I wish I could say I'm gonna turn it around and start contributing to this thing religiously but we both know that ain't gonna happen. So, I'll just say this: I will strive to update this thing at least 2 times a month. Any more than that? Well, let's just call anything more a bonus. And in the interest of fair play, since you guys pay good money for this blog, I won't even count this one. So see? You already got bonus this month.

And yes, before one of the 3 or 4 people who actually read this thing, I will finish my list of my favorite albums (course, I have to find my handwritten list first...)as well as my end of year list and other stuff.

So check this spot again soon....

And you stay classy, Internet.

Don't judge me...

Okay, I found the list. Give me a "Hell Yeah!" like I was Stone Cold Steve Austin...whatever that means. So, I should be able to finish this asinine list, which should make some people happy and cause the others to stop bugging me. The rest will probably just get the runs. Oh well, nothing new there. Give me some time and hopefully by next week, I begin finishing this list. And after that's done, I have another list to start but MUCH, MUCH shorter and definitely less intensive. So, to all, a Happy Easter.

I confess....

Alright, as the title implies, I have a confession to make. When I started this new series of my top 100 albums, I have to admit it was not spur of the moment. I had actually taken the time to write out a list. Why is this important, you may ask? In the interest of being a lazy bastard, I put everything on the list so I wouldn't have to come up with them again. And now you're probably asking why I am telling you this? Or you're saying, "Stop putting words in my mouth!" Either way, as you've noticed, I haven't updated this thing in a month and while I have several good reasons, some of which include laziness, tiredness, apathy, being really busy, the main reason being that I can't find my written list. The first couple of entries (as has been stated) were already printed on my MySpace blog site, so all I had to do was clean it up a bit and move it over here. So, gentle readers (all two of you), please be patient as I get this underway again (hopefully with the assist of my list).

A mixed bag, 80-71...

Greetings, fellow inhabitants of this island Earth. It's time for another entry into this mess of a blog. Suck it down and enjoy. Let's continue this little list, shall we? So here we go: "The T.R.M's list of Greatest Albums: 80-71".




80) Black Sunday - Cypress Hill
Love me some Cypress Hill and this was easily their best. There are some delicious songs on this thing. Whether you prefer to listen to this while "enjoying the herb" or in the car, this freaking album does not disappoint.

79) Battle of Los Angeles - Rage Against The Machine
While I may not agree with all of their politics, no one can deny these guys are not supremely talented musicians who have a point of view they don't back down from and you have to admire them for that. And the music and lyrics just flat out blow your mind. One of my all time favorite bands.

78) Ten Sumner's Tales - Sting
Sting is just an amazing musician, either with The Police or as a solo artist. And for me, this is my favorite solo album of his. I still listen to "Fields of Gold" to this day and the images it evokes are as real as memories.

77) Sixteen Stone - Bush
Love 'em or hate 'em, you can't deny that these guys know how to rock. But more than just a bunch of guys making some commercial rock, or latching on to the flaming tail of bands like Nirvana, these guys know how to put out good music and this definitely is one of their best.

76) The White Room - The KLF
I remember when this came out in the 90's and I just thought, "Damn, this is a weird album". And the ideals presented here, are still pretty out there. But these guys still did some cool experimenting in the mixing and we are easily the beneficiaries.

75) Mother's Milk - Red Hot Chili Peppers
This is the one that introduced me the Chili Peppers and I love it. For me, it was a good starting point but I love where these guys evolved to.

74) Hellbilly Deluxe - Rob Zombie
This was Rob's first solo effort (though honestly, he WAS White Zombie). Some great songs and a truly multi-talented artist. Not everyone's cup of tea, but I like him.

73) Thirteen Tales From Urban Bohemia - The Dandy Warhols
A great psuedo pop-rock album. Love the Warhols. Obviously, this had some good, radio friendly tunes on it. This is my favorite album of theirs.

72)
Never Mind The Bollocks - The Sex Pistols
The first great punk album and easily the best. Their only album, they seemed to be a self-fulfilling prophecy of nihilistic degeneration. Kinda bittersweet that they self destructed, one almost wonders what coulda been but also fears the caricature they could have become.

71)
Automatic For The People - R.E.M
Next to "Out Of Time", their most commercially accessible album. I love this thing. Just a great album that is at moments touching, uplifting, depressing and happy. Good thing.

That's all for now. Hopefully this thing isn't too lame. If it is, well, you're reading it. So, drop it and go read a book....

The next round, 90 - 81. So calm down, already...

Well, I have returned, fellow revolutionaries. It's time for another installment at this jumble of words I call a blog. Again, I continue with my list of "The 100 Greatest Albums--According to Me: 90-81" So without further ado, onward....

90) Give Up - Postal Service
I freaking love this album. Originally just a side project for Death Cab for Cutie's Ben Gibbard and Dntel's Jimmy Tamborello, it's taken on a life of it's own. Getting their name from the fact that their constantly mailing tracks and samples to each other, this project just sounds so good. Just about everybody has heard at least one song off this album. Bonus cool factor: Jenny Lewis (lead singer of Rilo Kiley and solo artist in her own right) shows up.

89) Parachutes - Coldplay
It may seem weird to say now, but I remember when this album first dropped, no one I knew personally had this album or knew of these guys. That soon changed. I just loved it the first time I listened to it, I immediately listened to it again. Great album with some seriously great tunes. I'd say these guys have done okay for themselves.

88) This Desert Life - Counting Crows
One of my all time favorite bands. Of all their albums, this is my least favorite. Having said that, I still love this one. After all, it does have two of my favorite Counting Crows songs(that's another long list): "I Wish I Was A Girl" and "St. Robinson and His Cadillac Dream". Bet your bottom dollar the Crows other stuff shows up on here.

87)
Cracked Rear View - Hootie And The Blowfish
I know, I know. Back before their band's name became a funny one liner ("My name's not Hootie!") and "Fairweather Johnson", these guys were blowing up the country. There are so many good songs on this album (and not just the radio ones that got WAAAYY overplayed), I always found a new song on this album to like. Mainstream? No doubt. Still an entertaining listen? You betcha.

86) Let Your Dim Light Shine - Soul Asylum
Another 90's gem. After making their name known with "Grave Dancer's Union" and the hit "Runaway Train", I wondered what these guys would do next. I soon found out with this album. So many good songs. Their last great album, in my opinion.

85) Siamese Dream - Smashing Pumpkins
Coming in at the tail end of the whole "grunge" thing of the early 90's, these guys were one of the few with staying power (until they ultimately broke up...obviously). This album was their way of saying "Howdy, we're here to blow up your head." A great album best listened to loud.

84) Audioslave - Audioslave
A rebound band made up of the remains of two classic bands (Soundgarden and Rage Against The Machine) that lasted through 3 albums before succumbing. Their first album was easily their best, with each subsequent album making a weaker entry. At first apprehensive of the idea, I gave it a shot. After the inital shock of hearing Chris Cornell instead of Zach de la Rocha in front Tom Morello's guitar, I thought "These guys are pretty good". And after that, I really liked the band more and more. I still prefer RATM, but a good album is a good album.

83)
Turn On The Bright Lights - Interpol
The very first time I heard this album, I fell in love. There was some dark sounding sonic energy emanating from this, but I just dug it. "NYC" is just one of those songs I can listen to over and over. Their subsequent albums have been good as well, but nothing beats your first.

82) Elephant - The White Stripes
One of my favorites (although another Stripes album shows up on the list). Jack White is an amazing artist and with Meg, he has created a very special thing. Garage rock has never sounded this complex. Every song on this album is an assault on your senses, but you won't mind surrendering.

81)
Vegas - Crystal Method
Another influential electronic album for me. This one is just so good. From start to finish, it takes you on a journey through time and space but you never leave the earth. Definitely their best album.

And that's it for now. I'll post the next one in a week or two. Until then, fight the power and don't let "The Man" get you down. Whatever the hell that means.

Yeah, well, your top 100 albums suck too...

Well, today is easily the heights of laziness. In an earlier blog (see here), I mention about how I started this list awhile back, being harassed about it's unfinished nature, yada yada yada, so here it is. I literally just cut and pasted it (though I made some minor tweaks,like linking it and added some album pics), but now that I've moved it, I have to finish it eventually. So here it is, in it's rough entirety.

Side note: My blog this was originally one was on Myspace and I called it "The Queen's Grande Almanac".

Howdy, folk type people, sorry it's been so long between installments. I have been focusing on writing other stuff and...well, quite frankly, I only have so much juice to go around. But I'm here, I'm back for the moment, dwell on the moment and smell the freshly laundered ideas and enjoy the moment.

So, what to talk about in this entry? Well, to be perfectly honest, I'm gonna cheat this time. It's not gonna be some wandering dialogue of my thoughts (though it may give you peak deeper inside me, an idea both scary and disturbing).

I have been reading and seeing people give their top 10 or whatever lists for 100 years (or thereabout) and I said, "Screw it, I could do a better list." Especially both VH1's and Rolling Stone's top 100 album's of all time lists. And that's what I'm gonna do. Not all at once or anything but spread out over several installments of this damn thing.

Now, my requirements and guidelines for this list.
1) To qualify, an album must be a couple of things:

A- 90% or higher listenable (is that even a word?). In other words, you can listen to it from start to finish without skipping more than 2 or 3 songs.
B- Bears up under repeated listens. It's one you can easily see slipping it into a player anytime.

2) This is my list, not anyone else's. There will be stuff on here people might go, "What?" It's not a list of what everyone considers the most important works of music. Say for example I don't add The Beatles "Abbey Road" but I have the Spin Doctors "Pocketful of Krytonite" on the list (Don't worry, that doesn't happen), it doesn't mean I think "Pocketful of Krytonite" is more important in the big picture, I just happen to prefer it to "Abbey Road" (again, not the case). This is just the reasoning that is behind what's on here. Don't agree or don't like my choices? Let me know your thoughts and opinions. Or make your own damn list. Or both.

3) And lastly, these are in no definite order. The only album ranked in importance is #1 because it definitely is my favorite album. Everything is just random order (though I will admit, I did save albums I consider more classic for later in the list, near the top).

So without further delay, here goes the first installment. "The Robot Monkey Top 100 Albums of All Time...so far, at least....Number's 100-91"

100.) Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand
One of the first of the bands to come out a couple of years ago, capturing that punk/pop/new wave sound like the Killers and Bloc Party. I love this album, it just has such a carefree attitude with a dark underside. Every song seems to hint at a larger story.

99.) Kasabian - Kasabian
Another along the same lines which came out about the same time as Franz Ferdinand. I just plain like this album. Kasabian seems to come out of the gate swinging (their sophomore effort, "Empire", was pretty good). Can't wait to see what comes next.

98.)
Ganging Up On The Sun - Guster
This one has some great songs which are instantly enjoyable. Just can't enough of it. Like start to finish, I love this album. Chilled out, rocking, it just seems to cover all it's bases.

97.)
Her Majesty - The Decemberists
The first appearance of one of my favorite bands on this list. This album has great songs on it and what I love about these guys is their ability to tell a story without it turning into your typical "story song". What's really interesting is you can see the Decemberists evolution from album to album. Folk rock has never sounded cooler.

96.) Psalm 69 - Ministry
This was my first really industrial/metal album. Though I'm not a huge fan of the genre (preferring individual bands than the movement), I love this album. When I first graduated high school and went to college and started taking road trips, I listened to this album a lot and was always amazed how quickly the trip seemed to go.

95.)
The Mirror Conspiracy - Thievery Corporation
Just a great, sit back with an adult beverage or spark a spliff and chill out kinda album. A great mood enhancer. Almost hypnotic in it's effect on me. Eclectic but not jarring. I can't recommend this enough. A great group.

94.)
On and On - Jack Johnson
This was a bit tricky for me, trying to try and decide which Jack Johnson album I would include on here (although I did pick another one or two as well). It was tough. I finally decided on this one because it has the most songs on it that I like. That's it. Nothing too profound. Great album from a freaking awesome artist.

93)
Blue Light, Red Light - Harry Connick, Jr.
Another tricky one for me (this one and "We Are In Love") and again, it came down to which had more songs I liked. Also, this was the first Harry Connick album I was introduced to. Thanks to my friend, Robbie Seay, who is not a bad artist himself (Check out Better Days, out now). He introduced me to this album.

92.) Bringing Down The Horse - The Wallflowers
Bob Dylan's son Jakob does alright for himself on this album. He has his father's soul but sings better. A great album. I didn't really keep up with any of their subsequent albums, but this one absolutely killed. So many great songs.

91.)
Exit Planet Dust - Chemical Brothers
The first Chemical Brother's album I ever listened to. Connected with it instantly. These guys (along with Fatboy Slim, Crystal Method, Bentley Rhythm Ace and Prodigy) really kicked off the '90s surge of great electronic music, mostly out of England. It just starts out with a powerful beat and doesn't let up until the album ends.

And that's it for now. Next time, number's 91-81. Tune in.

My Soundtrack...

I did this awhile back with friends on MySpace. Can't remember what my original answers were, but here's my answers now.

It's a fun little exercise. If your life needed a soundtrack, what songs would cover what moments. Here's mine:

Opening Credits: Chicago - Sufjan Stevens

Waking Up Scene: The Sound of Settling - Death Cab For Cutie

Getting Ready Scene: Young Folks - Peter Bjorn and John

Car Driving Scene: Rolling - Soul Coughing

High School Flashback Scene: Einstein On The Beach - Counting Crows

Nostalgic Scene: One Man Wreaking Machine - Guster

Angry Scene: Killing In The Name - Rage Against The Machine

Agony, Painful Scene: Hysteria - MUSE

Break-up Scene: Fond Farewell - Elliot Smith

Sad, Breakdown Scene: The Transfiguration - Sufjan Stevens

Nightclub/Dance Scene: Diving - 4 Strings

Buddy/Sidekick Scene: Broken - Jack Johnson

Dreaming of Someone Scene: The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson

Contemplation Scene: The Legionnaire's Lament - The Decemberists

Love Scene: Rangers - A Fine Frenzy

Kissing Scene: No One Has To Know - Eliot Morris

Relaxing Scene: Lebanese Blonde - Thievery Corporation and First Breath - Explosions In The Sky

Action/Fight Scene: Around The Horn - The Bronx, Scum of the Earth - Rob Zombie and Smack My B**ch Up - The Prodigy

Victory Scene: Treehouse - I'm From Barcelona

Closing Credits: New Day - Robbie Seay Band

Obviously, I reserve the right to change this at any point as my mood changes or come across something better.

So, what would YOUR soundtrack be?

So, I'm visiting one of the many sites I frequent about two months back and it takes me to the Spike TV website for "The 25 Dumbest Band Names". I'm expecting a mountain of hilarity, some gut busting examples and I get stuff like (Are ya' ready? Ya' ready for this?) U2! Bwahaha! Isn't that crazy? Or how about this one? Red Hot Chili Peppers! Isn't that stupid? Hahahah- oh wait....no. No, it really isn't funny. Or witty. Or even dumb. (You can see it for yourself here.)

But it did get me to thinking. What would I say were the dumbest band names? Now bear in mind, there are some bands with weird names that I like or even fit the band But some are just head scratchers. Allow me to present band names I think are dumb. Of course this list is subjective to the reader blah, blah, blah.

Backstreet Boys - I remember the first time I heard of these guys back in the late 90's. It was a night at Subway. I was with my good friend Craig (see here and here
for a recounting of his birthday I did early on in this thing) and this poppy, soul sucking music started and I asked Craig who it was. He said, "The Backstreet Boys". I responded, "Hmm". I do remember thinking "Backstreet Boys? Could be some hardcore mofo's...or a really bad and obvious gay joke." So...make your own joke here.

Nsync - Alright, for some reason, all the boy bands have really stupid names. So this list could turn into a "Boy Bands All Stupid Name List". Which, really, would be like shooting fish in a barrel. Or shooting boy band members with a fan so that their shirts flow around them. The only reason I single out Nsync is because I always hated their stupid name. When I first saw it printed, I was like "Huh"? Then, when I realized it was "in synch", I wanted to punch their parents for not using birth control. I mean really: how dare they?

Mott the Hoople - I know, some people consider this band classic but I always thought they had a weird name. They apparently took if from a novel about a circus freak. Pretty self explanatory, really.

Eh, I've lost interest in this one. If anyone has some ideas, post them and I'll comment on them.

"Do the work for me, minions!" Seriously, it's brain taxing and I've got better things to comment on. Call it a cop out all you want, but...uh...you, uh...smell like poo.


And now, my favorite Eastern European boy group: Shisten Zugulagz Vixiy Kraznazrly (Translated: The Gathering of Singing Virgins of the Worker's Paradise and Car Wash. I think.)

Another best of list, but one that doesn't suck...

You know, I'm sitting here and I'm seeing people's best of lists and I'm like, "Dang it, I should make my own list." Yeah, that's pretty much it. Nothing too sexy. Well, there's another reason. It's an appeasement tactic. See, I used to blog on my myspace page. I was writing a series of blogs chronicling what I thought was my picks for the 100 greatest albums of all time. Well, I never finished it. And now, my cousin, who was reading it, has given me grief about not finishing the list yet. I may eventually transfer it over here and finish it up. So in lieu of that for now, I present to you my Christmas gift and end of the year wrap up:

My 10 Best Albums of 2008. Enjoy.

10) "Oracular Spectacular" - MGMT
This is a great album. Electropop indie rock, this album gets started with "Time to Pretend" and just doesn't let up until "Future Reflections". At times sounding like some mash up of Pink Floyd and MUSE by way of the Secret Machines, it wears it's Synthpop label proudly.

9) "The Bedlam in Goliath" - The Mars Volta
I love The Mars Volta. Very eclectic, mixing a lot of different styles, this album just pounds. While "De-Loused in the Comatorium" is still easily their best album, this might be a contender for second best.

8) "Hold On Now, Youngster..." - Los Campesinos!
First heard these guys on their EP "Sticking Fingers Into Sockets", which I fell in love with. Imagine my delight at finely getting and hearing their full album. If your a fan of Architecture In Helsinki or just fun music, then give them a listen.

7) "HAARP" - MUSE
I love, love, love MUSE. One of my favorites bands. And normally, I would probably not do a live album of previously released material. But MUSE is one of the best live bands I have ever heard. They literally rocked my face off. If you haven't had the pleasure, this may be the closest you get.
BONUS: It comes with a DVD of two Wembley Stadium concerts in London which many considered the live event of the year.

6) "Vampire Weekend" - Vampire Weekend
I really dig these guys. They've got a pop sensibility that reminds me of the early Beatles. They are a cool, fun group.

5) "Age of the Understatement" - The Last Shadow Puppets
When you've got the mixture of Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys, Mile Kane of The Little Flames and the Rascals, James Ford of Simian Mobile Disco, the London Metropolitan Orchestra and Owen Pallett of the Arcade Fire, it's something I want to check out. And in this case, it is worth checking out.

4) "Radio Retaliation - Thievery Corporation
Another one of my favorite bands. These guys have taken music to dizzying heights. Blending different styles together to create great, very chilled music. And they don't disappoint here.
A side note: Saw these guys at ACL Fest two years ago. Fantastic. They put on such a good show.

3) "Acid Tongue" - Jenny Lewis
I have been a fan of Jenny Lewis with her band Rilo Kiley and in her incarnation with the Watson Twins. This album is a little jazzy, a little bluesy but really cool. Jenny Lewis has a great voice, a little smoky, a little sexy, very enticing.

2) "Narrow Stairs" - Death Cab For Cutie
This was tough. This one almost got the top spot. I can't help it, I love Death Cab. Or any of Ben Gibbard's side projects. And this one has it's share of great songs, from the dark, troubling beauty of "I Will Possess Your Heart" to "The Ice Is Getting Thinner". A complete album. Unfairly or not, I guess the deciding factor is this just isn't my favorite album from them (that honor going to 2003's "Transalanticism"). And now the top album of 2008 (in my opinion of course, and let's face it, you're reading my list so my opinion is all that matters...)

1) "Fleet Foxes" - Fleet Foxes
This is my top album of 2008. Hands down. A journey into baroque pop and indie folk. Like the best elements of the Beach Boys, Animal Collective and My Morning Jacket, it flows into your ears like some choral syrup. Like hot chocolate for your soul on a cold winter's night. Do yourself a favor and check it out.

Honorable mentions that almost made it:

"At Mount Zoomer" - Wolf Parade

"All or Nothing" - The Subways

"The Stand Ins" - Okkervil River

"Innerpartysystem" - Innerpartysystem

"The Red Album" - Weezer

"One Day As A Lion" - One Day As A Lion

"Off With Their Heads" - Kaiser Chiefs

"Perfect Symmetry" - Keane

"Intimacy" - Bloc Party

Happy 2009 Everyone!

Osama and Pop Tarts: In Cahoots?

This week, I'm trying an experiment. It's really more of a laziness thing. But more than anything, it's for me to get my butt in gear and do something beside mope around or brood. So here's the thing: I am gonna get a coworker to suggest a random topic and then I am gonna fling a bunch of words at and try to pass it off as funny.

First, here's how went. First, I approached two different people for two different topics. You know, give myself options. This is what I got: the difference between toaster strudels and pop tarts and are we winning the war on terror?

.....yes, I am also wanting to slap both idiots with a halibut. But I brought this on myself, so I gotta man up and put this stuff down. Or like my dad always used to say, "Son, you're an idiot and I'm sorry we adopted you."

So, I'm gonna mash them up and get...what is the difference between toaster strudels, pop tarts and the war on terror and which one is winning? (I could totally see this in some government or sociology college class as an essay question on a test. Be pretty funny to watch as the self important student taking the test head explodes like in "Scanners".)

I'll answer this as such: there is no difference and no one is winning. Except perhaps Pillsbury or Kellogg's. And maybe that's the conspiracy. The hands guiding events behind the scenes. I can easily accept some secret cabal of breakfast food characters meeting around a table, directing world events. A scene played out, something like this....

Scene: An underground bunker, deep in the bowels of the Earth. A dark, forbidding room with a large meeting table. Seated around the table sit several "beloved" characters from various breakfast foods. The Trix Rabbit, Tony the Tiger, Snap, Crackle and Pop, The Pillsbury Doughboy, Lucky the Leprechaun, Cap'n Crunch, Raisin Scoops Sun, Count Chocula, Frankenberry and Boo Berry, Cookie Crisp Thief, Sonny the Coco Bird and the NesQuik Bunny. A meeting is underway.

Cap'n Crunch: So, we're in agreement then? We continue to slip in mind control drugs in our product?
Tony the Tiger: They'rrreee gggrrrreeeaattt!!!
Cap'n Crunch: All in favor, say 'Aye'.
(A chorus of 'Ayes' follow.)
Crunch: Opposed?
(Crickets chirp.)
Count Chocula: So, the motion is carried, awh-awh-hah.
Lucky: Aye, we'll see those wee little tossers steal me Lucky Charms. I'll just tell them to jump down a f#@$ing well. Where's me bloody drink?
Pillsbury: Hee-hee!
Lucky: Shut it, ya' bloody poofter!
Crunch: Order, order. Now, for the next piece of business-
Snap: Hold it.
Crackle: We want to discuss something.
Pop: Namely, the seating arrangements.
Crunch: Very well, what's the problem?
Snap: We want to move.
Crackle: Like somewhere else.
Pop: This seat sucks.
NesQuik Bunny: Oh, cry me a damn river. I'm stuck over here between the the junkie (gesturing at Sonny)-
Sonny: I can't help it. I'm cuckoo for Coco Puffs. I need the stuff...
NesQuik: -and this creep wants to suck on me because he thinks I'm made of chocolate or some crap...hey! Cut it out!
(Count Chocula was trying to suck his neck in classic vampire fashion)
Count Chocula: Blah-blah, I can't help it. You must be filled with chocolatey goodness.
NesQuik: I'm seriously gonna find a stake of some sort and use it on you.
Snap: Hey, we're talkin' here.
Crackle: We ain't finished yet, jerk weed.
Pop: (Pause) Err, what they said.
Trix: Does anyone else find that annoying?
Snap: Can we get back on topic here?
Crackle: We want to move.
Pop: We're sitting too close to Two Scoops here (He gestures to the Raisin Bran Sun).
Tony: Why? He's gggrrrrreeeaatttt!!
Snap: Um, yeah. Not really.
Crackle: He pulls out these raisins that go everywhere.
Pop: And I think I'm developing skin cancer due to the close proximity to the UV rays.
Snap: Also, he's melting the seat.
Crackle: Burning plastic smells like ass, you know?
Pop: And it burns your lungs, breathing this crap in.
Cookie Crisp: I don't think it's doing Pillsbury any favors either. (He gestures to the Doughboy, seated on the other side of Two Scoops.)
Pillsbury: It's true. My skin is turning a lightly brown, flaky and with a hint of butter.
Crunch: Oh is that it? I thought someone was baking pastries. Delicious and hot pastries...(He's drooling.)
Frankenberry: How is the alliance going with the Taliban?
Crunch: (Hurriedly) Uh, great, great. Al Queda too. But we'll have to table it for now. (He gets an evil look on his face) It's time for a snack break.
(All eyes turn to Pillsbury.)
Pillsbury: Uh-oh. Uh, nothing says lovin' like a hot biscuit..err, I mean, uh...oh crap.
Trix: Get his legs first, that way he can't run.
Tony: Pastry breaks are ggggrrrrrreeeaaa- (He's cut off as gets hit with a large shillelagh.)
Lucky: Oi, stuff it, ya' wanker!

As we leave this happy scene, bear in mind this: This is probably happening as we speak, so beware. Now, I'm hungry for pastries, dammit.


And now for your viewing pleasure, an out of context re-edit of one of the Presidential debates:


The Not So Presidential Debate from aaron sedlak on Vimeo

And now a brief word regarding this rather lengthy intermission...

Hey peeps, how is it hanging? Well, I'm sure most of you who read this thing (and you know who you are) have been wondering if this thing would ever have any new entries. Well, I have an answer for you. And that definite and defiant answer is this: probably. I'm gonna let that soak in.

....

Has it soaked in yet? Good, I...oh it hasn't? I thought...alright, I'll wait some more.

....

Is this gonna take long? Do I have anything better to do? *indignant sputtering* Well, of course I...how dare you, sir (or madam)? I've got so much going on...I can't believe you would even ask such a stupid...no, I have nothing better to do, I suppose. *sigh*

Alright, continuing on. You may be asking what the impetus is for such a momentous occasion. A couple of things, actually. First, the overwhelming desire to write has been beating me about the ears with a tuna fish for some time now. The itch has grown and I need to scratch it. Or rub some aloe vera on it. Also, as been stated in these very pages and by other people who have a vested interest in my welfare (i.e. friends and family), I need to keep writing. Even if it's just a form of therapy. But probably more to the point, the whole situation that prevented me from writing (at least on a mental level, if not emotional) may finally, blessedly be coming to an end, for better or for worse. Which has had the benefit of freeing up my head to engage once again in the insane zaniness to which it is accustomed.

So, I guess it took a natural disaster to knock me out of my general malaise regarding this thing. But when the Gulf Coast/Houston area takes a pounding from an Ike and our name isn't Tina, it causes you to re-examine things, I suppose. And yes, that last line was just an excuse to throw in a Ike-Tina joke. But I've been holding on to those one-liners since I found out Ike was heading here and dammit, I was gonna use one eventually.

So, I'm back, baby. I guess like Ari Gold would say, "Let's hug it out, bitch."

The funny has been gone lately...

To the couple of you who read this, I'm sorry I haven't been writing. There has been a lot of stress occupying my personal life lately and it has literally sucked the inspiration to write, er, right out of me. One day, I may or may not reveal everything that is going on at some point down the line as it would probably be a good story and illustrate the importance of faith, leaning on your friends and family and a general appreciation of your life and the things we all take for granted. This entry isn't quite "A Very Special Episode" territory yet. But it has the potential. All I'll say is if you are the praying type, please keep me and the family in your prayers. If you're not, think kindly of us or whatever it is you do.

Having said all of that, I hope to begin contributing more insanity to the world again on a regular basis. School is ending and a new job is hopefully looming on the horizon, so hopefully soon, the Robot Monkey will be flinging cybernetic fecal matter in your direction.

I get confused, remake Star Wars and Peyton Manning should not raise your kids...

Yup, it's that time again. Punch a chicken, slap a monkey and help an old lady across the street. Your venerable time waster returns with another exciting installment of "Tales of Sweaty, Shirtless Men in Heat"...

In our last installment, Rock Brannigan was just discovering his true feelings for Bucky during a strenous wrestling match. A very private session indeed. Their bodies, glistening with sweat, were entwined in...

Err, hang on a tic. I think this is the wrong blog. Crap...

Hey, welcome back to "My Struggles With Garden Gnomes", a blog dedicated to taking care of your garden and my trials and tribulations with garden gnomes.

Hmm, no....

This week on "Llama Love", I discuss proper grooming techniques and the best date spots in Argentina.

Uhm, wait...

Hi, and thanks for reading "Josef Stalin is my baby daddy"...

Sorry, I've got way too many irons in the fire. I get confused easily.

I was watching previews for coming movies recently and saw a trailer for "Get Smart". Now normally, I despise most remakes like I hate "reality" television. But this one may have some things in it's favor. It actually looks funny and it has Steve Carrel, which is a 95% chance that it will be a good movie. But I could be wrong. It wouldn't necessarily be the first time.

Let's face it though. The entertainment landscape is littered with failures that were supposed to be remakes, T.V. and movies. It would actually be easier to name the projects that were successful rather than the failures. In T.V., you've had shows like Battlestar Galactica, The Office and Doctor Who (which is not technically a remake). In movies, you've had Ocean's Eleven, The Departed and Mission:Impossible (I really had to think hard for successes or even good movies). Has Hollywood really come up that short on original ideas? (Answer: yes) The best it can do are sequels, remakes, formulaic crap directly off the Spin-a-Story Mix-n-Match Wheel (Patent Pending) or big fluffy blockbusters, filled with explosions and CGI effects (something I like to call the "Michael Bay Effect")? (Answer: yes again)

C'mon, Hollywood, the only things that should be remade are failures. Like say you have a movie with a good idea but poor execution. Maybe a sci-fi movie with crappy special effects, remade today utilizing the advances in special effect tech. I don't know.

Tell you what, let me know (all 5 of you reading this): If you could remake any movie, what would it be and why? Get as specific or as general as you want. I'm interested to see what other folks say. I'll even start it off.

The Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Episodes 1-3
Yes, I know this isn't an old movie and veering into geek territory here, but I had to call "Crap" on this one.
*Spoiler Alert*
Let me get this straight: Anakin Skywalker turns to the Dark Side suddenly (and rather abruptly, I might add) because he's afraid his wife will die? Lucas, c'mon, are you kidding me? You totally mailed it in on this. That is the lamest reason ever. There was so much wrong with the whole prequel trilogy but Anakin's journey to becoming Darth Vader was the absolute worst. This sweet natured kid in "The Phantom Menace" goes to becoming a sullen, rebellious bastard in "Attack of The Clones" after being raised essentially by an order of monks (the Jedi)? What? There was an easy fix for this. Allow me to share my idea.

First, in Episode 1, don't have Anakin go up into space and save the day. Keep him on the ground and let him witness the lightsaber duel with Darth Maul. Let him see Liam Neeson get killed, Obi-Wan beaten and Darth Maul escaping. Thus, you establish a reason for revenge and an even more insidious decent into the Dark Side.

Next, in Episode 2, the movie can remain the same except change the ending slightly. Instead of Dooku being the main villian, make it Maul again. The fight would go essentially the same except Anakin would be getting his ass handed to him but would start tapping into that hate and anger towards Maul and would start putting up a serious fight before pulling back, realizing he was slipping towards the Dark Side.

Lastly, in Episode 3, Anakin would be all conflicted about his drift to the Dark Side until about halfway through the film when he would again be fighting Maul, this time in front of Emperor Palpatine (in a scene eerily similiar to the climactic duel with Vader and Luke in "Return of The Jedi"). He would again be struggling until deciding to make the decision to go to the Dark Side and kill Maul, which he does. This would be a nice juxtaposition with the latter scene in "Return", making it that more poignant and redemptive when Luke decides not to follow the path his father took.

That's the type of remake I would do.

Oh and one final thought: In "Revenge of The Sith", the Jedi, the supreme badasses of the universe that can handle ANYTHING, are surprised by these clone troops turning on them and killing them. You mean the same guys who because the Force have a spider-sense about when danger is coming? Who can sense emotions or intents? Really? Surprised? All killed except for Yoda? Besides, I thought Vader hunted them all down and killed them? Oh well, geek rant over.

And I meant to post this weeks ago, right before the NFL draft but couldn't find it. Well, here it is now: one of the funniest commercials ever on SNL.

Peyton Manning United Way SNL