Yeah, well, your top 100 albums suck too...

Well, today is easily the heights of laziness. In an earlier blog (see here), I mention about how I started this list awhile back, being harassed about it's unfinished nature, yada yada yada, so here it is. I literally just cut and pasted it (though I made some minor tweaks,like linking it and added some album pics), but now that I've moved it, I have to finish it eventually. So here it is, in it's rough entirety.

Side note: My blog this was originally one was on Myspace and I called it "The Queen's Grande Almanac".

Howdy, folk type people, sorry it's been so long between installments. I have been focusing on writing other stuff and...well, quite frankly, I only have so much juice to go around. But I'm here, I'm back for the moment, dwell on the moment and smell the freshly laundered ideas and enjoy the moment.

So, what to talk about in this entry? Well, to be perfectly honest, I'm gonna cheat this time. It's not gonna be some wandering dialogue of my thoughts (though it may give you peak deeper inside me, an idea both scary and disturbing).

I have been reading and seeing people give their top 10 or whatever lists for 100 years (or thereabout) and I said, "Screw it, I could do a better list." Especially both VH1's and Rolling Stone's top 100 album's of all time lists. And that's what I'm gonna do. Not all at once or anything but spread out over several installments of this damn thing.

Now, my requirements and guidelines for this list.
1) To qualify, an album must be a couple of things:

A- 90% or higher listenable (is that even a word?). In other words, you can listen to it from start to finish without skipping more than 2 or 3 songs.
B- Bears up under repeated listens. It's one you can easily see slipping it into a player anytime.

2) This is my list, not anyone else's. There will be stuff on here people might go, "What?" It's not a list of what everyone considers the most important works of music. Say for example I don't add The Beatles "Abbey Road" but I have the Spin Doctors "Pocketful of Krytonite" on the list (Don't worry, that doesn't happen), it doesn't mean I think "Pocketful of Krytonite" is more important in the big picture, I just happen to prefer it to "Abbey Road" (again, not the case). This is just the reasoning that is behind what's on here. Don't agree or don't like my choices? Let me know your thoughts and opinions. Or make your own damn list. Or both.

3) And lastly, these are in no definite order. The only album ranked in importance is #1 because it definitely is my favorite album. Everything is just random order (though I will admit, I did save albums I consider more classic for later in the list, near the top).

So without further delay, here goes the first installment. "The Robot Monkey Top 100 Albums of All Time...so far, at least....Number's 100-91"

100.) Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand
One of the first of the bands to come out a couple of years ago, capturing that punk/pop/new wave sound like the Killers and Bloc Party. I love this album, it just has such a carefree attitude with a dark underside. Every song seems to hint at a larger story.

99.) Kasabian - Kasabian
Another along the same lines which came out about the same time as Franz Ferdinand. I just plain like this album. Kasabian seems to come out of the gate swinging (their sophomore effort, "Empire", was pretty good). Can't wait to see what comes next.

98.)
Ganging Up On The Sun - Guster
This one has some great songs which are instantly enjoyable. Just can't enough of it. Like start to finish, I love this album. Chilled out, rocking, it just seems to cover all it's bases.

97.)
Her Majesty - The Decemberists
The first appearance of one of my favorite bands on this list. This album has great songs on it and what I love about these guys is their ability to tell a story without it turning into your typical "story song". What's really interesting is you can see the Decemberists evolution from album to album. Folk rock has never sounded cooler.

96.) Psalm 69 - Ministry
This was my first really industrial/metal album. Though I'm not a huge fan of the genre (preferring individual bands than the movement), I love this album. When I first graduated high school and went to college and started taking road trips, I listened to this album a lot and was always amazed how quickly the trip seemed to go.

95.)
The Mirror Conspiracy - Thievery Corporation
Just a great, sit back with an adult beverage or spark a spliff and chill out kinda album. A great mood enhancer. Almost hypnotic in it's effect on me. Eclectic but not jarring. I can't recommend this enough. A great group.

94.)
On and On - Jack Johnson
This was a bit tricky for me, trying to try and decide which Jack Johnson album I would include on here (although I did pick another one or two as well). It was tough. I finally decided on this one because it has the most songs on it that I like. That's it. Nothing too profound. Great album from a freaking awesome artist.

93)
Blue Light, Red Light - Harry Connick, Jr.
Another tricky one for me (this one and "We Are In Love") and again, it came down to which had more songs I liked. Also, this was the first Harry Connick album I was introduced to. Thanks to my friend, Robbie Seay, who is not a bad artist himself (Check out Better Days, out now). He introduced me to this album.

92.) Bringing Down The Horse - The Wallflowers
Bob Dylan's son Jakob does alright for himself on this album. He has his father's soul but sings better. A great album. I didn't really keep up with any of their subsequent albums, but this one absolutely killed. So many great songs.

91.)
Exit Planet Dust - Chemical Brothers
The first Chemical Brother's album I ever listened to. Connected with it instantly. These guys (along with Fatboy Slim, Crystal Method, Bentley Rhythm Ace and Prodigy) really kicked off the '90s surge of great electronic music, mostly out of England. It just starts out with a powerful beat and doesn't let up until the album ends.

And that's it for now. Next time, number's 91-81. Tune in.

My Soundtrack...

I did this awhile back with friends on MySpace. Can't remember what my original answers were, but here's my answers now.

It's a fun little exercise. If your life needed a soundtrack, what songs would cover what moments. Here's mine:

Opening Credits: Chicago - Sufjan Stevens

Waking Up Scene: The Sound of Settling - Death Cab For Cutie

Getting Ready Scene: Young Folks - Peter Bjorn and John

Car Driving Scene: Rolling - Soul Coughing

High School Flashback Scene: Einstein On The Beach - Counting Crows

Nostalgic Scene: One Man Wreaking Machine - Guster

Angry Scene: Killing In The Name - Rage Against The Machine

Agony, Painful Scene: Hysteria - MUSE

Break-up Scene: Fond Farewell - Elliot Smith

Sad, Breakdown Scene: The Transfiguration - Sufjan Stevens

Nightclub/Dance Scene: Diving - 4 Strings

Buddy/Sidekick Scene: Broken - Jack Johnson

Dreaming of Someone Scene: The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson

Contemplation Scene: The Legionnaire's Lament - The Decemberists

Love Scene: Rangers - A Fine Frenzy

Kissing Scene: No One Has To Know - Eliot Morris

Relaxing Scene: Lebanese Blonde - Thievery Corporation and First Breath - Explosions In The Sky

Action/Fight Scene: Around The Horn - The Bronx, Scum of the Earth - Rob Zombie and Smack My B**ch Up - The Prodigy

Victory Scene: Treehouse - I'm From Barcelona

Closing Credits: New Day - Robbie Seay Band

Obviously, I reserve the right to change this at any point as my mood changes or come across something better.

So, what would YOUR soundtrack be?

So, I'm visiting one of the many sites I frequent about two months back and it takes me to the Spike TV website for "The 25 Dumbest Band Names". I'm expecting a mountain of hilarity, some gut busting examples and I get stuff like (Are ya' ready? Ya' ready for this?) U2! Bwahaha! Isn't that crazy? Or how about this one? Red Hot Chili Peppers! Isn't that stupid? Hahahah- oh wait....no. No, it really isn't funny. Or witty. Or even dumb. (You can see it for yourself here.)

But it did get me to thinking. What would I say were the dumbest band names? Now bear in mind, there are some bands with weird names that I like or even fit the band But some are just head scratchers. Allow me to present band names I think are dumb. Of course this list is subjective to the reader blah, blah, blah.

Backstreet Boys - I remember the first time I heard of these guys back in the late 90's. It was a night at Subway. I was with my good friend Craig (see here and here
for a recounting of his birthday I did early on in this thing) and this poppy, soul sucking music started and I asked Craig who it was. He said, "The Backstreet Boys". I responded, "Hmm". I do remember thinking "Backstreet Boys? Could be some hardcore mofo's...or a really bad and obvious gay joke." So...make your own joke here.

Nsync - Alright, for some reason, all the boy bands have really stupid names. So this list could turn into a "Boy Bands All Stupid Name List". Which, really, would be like shooting fish in a barrel. Or shooting boy band members with a fan so that their shirts flow around them. The only reason I single out Nsync is because I always hated their stupid name. When I first saw it printed, I was like "Huh"? Then, when I realized it was "in synch", I wanted to punch their parents for not using birth control. I mean really: how dare they?

Mott the Hoople - I know, some people consider this band classic but I always thought they had a weird name. They apparently took if from a novel about a circus freak. Pretty self explanatory, really.

Eh, I've lost interest in this one. If anyone has some ideas, post them and I'll comment on them.

"Do the work for me, minions!" Seriously, it's brain taxing and I've got better things to comment on. Call it a cop out all you want, but...uh...you, uh...smell like poo.


And now, my favorite Eastern European boy group: Shisten Zugulagz Vixiy Kraznazrly (Translated: The Gathering of Singing Virgins of the Worker's Paradise and Car Wash. I think.)

Another best of list, but one that doesn't suck...

You know, I'm sitting here and I'm seeing people's best of lists and I'm like, "Dang it, I should make my own list." Yeah, that's pretty much it. Nothing too sexy. Well, there's another reason. It's an appeasement tactic. See, I used to blog on my myspace page. I was writing a series of blogs chronicling what I thought was my picks for the 100 greatest albums of all time. Well, I never finished it. And now, my cousin, who was reading it, has given me grief about not finishing the list yet. I may eventually transfer it over here and finish it up. So in lieu of that for now, I present to you my Christmas gift and end of the year wrap up:

My 10 Best Albums of 2008. Enjoy.

10) "Oracular Spectacular" - MGMT
This is a great album. Electropop indie rock, this album gets started with "Time to Pretend" and just doesn't let up until "Future Reflections". At times sounding like some mash up of Pink Floyd and MUSE by way of the Secret Machines, it wears it's Synthpop label proudly.

9) "The Bedlam in Goliath" - The Mars Volta
I love The Mars Volta. Very eclectic, mixing a lot of different styles, this album just pounds. While "De-Loused in the Comatorium" is still easily their best album, this might be a contender for second best.

8) "Hold On Now, Youngster..." - Los Campesinos!
First heard these guys on their EP "Sticking Fingers Into Sockets", which I fell in love with. Imagine my delight at finely getting and hearing their full album. If your a fan of Architecture In Helsinki or just fun music, then give them a listen.

7) "HAARP" - MUSE
I love, love, love MUSE. One of my favorites bands. And normally, I would probably not do a live album of previously released material. But MUSE is one of the best live bands I have ever heard. They literally rocked my face off. If you haven't had the pleasure, this may be the closest you get.
BONUS: It comes with a DVD of two Wembley Stadium concerts in London which many considered the live event of the year.

6) "Vampire Weekend" - Vampire Weekend
I really dig these guys. They've got a pop sensibility that reminds me of the early Beatles. They are a cool, fun group.

5) "Age of the Understatement" - The Last Shadow Puppets
When you've got the mixture of Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys, Mile Kane of The Little Flames and the Rascals, James Ford of Simian Mobile Disco, the London Metropolitan Orchestra and Owen Pallett of the Arcade Fire, it's something I want to check out. And in this case, it is worth checking out.

4) "Radio Retaliation - Thievery Corporation
Another one of my favorite bands. These guys have taken music to dizzying heights. Blending different styles together to create great, very chilled music. And they don't disappoint here.
A side note: Saw these guys at ACL Fest two years ago. Fantastic. They put on such a good show.

3) "Acid Tongue" - Jenny Lewis
I have been a fan of Jenny Lewis with her band Rilo Kiley and in her incarnation with the Watson Twins. This album is a little jazzy, a little bluesy but really cool. Jenny Lewis has a great voice, a little smoky, a little sexy, very enticing.

2) "Narrow Stairs" - Death Cab For Cutie
This was tough. This one almost got the top spot. I can't help it, I love Death Cab. Or any of Ben Gibbard's side projects. And this one has it's share of great songs, from the dark, troubling beauty of "I Will Possess Your Heart" to "The Ice Is Getting Thinner". A complete album. Unfairly or not, I guess the deciding factor is this just isn't my favorite album from them (that honor going to 2003's "Transalanticism"). And now the top album of 2008 (in my opinion of course, and let's face it, you're reading my list so my opinion is all that matters...)

1) "Fleet Foxes" - Fleet Foxes
This is my top album of 2008. Hands down. A journey into baroque pop and indie folk. Like the best elements of the Beach Boys, Animal Collective and My Morning Jacket, it flows into your ears like some choral syrup. Like hot chocolate for your soul on a cold winter's night. Do yourself a favor and check it out.

Honorable mentions that almost made it:

"At Mount Zoomer" - Wolf Parade

"All or Nothing" - The Subways

"The Stand Ins" - Okkervil River

"Innerpartysystem" - Innerpartysystem

"The Red Album" - Weezer

"One Day As A Lion" - One Day As A Lion

"Off With Their Heads" - Kaiser Chiefs

"Perfect Symmetry" - Keane

"Intimacy" - Bloc Party

Happy 2009 Everyone!

Osama and Pop Tarts: In Cahoots?

This week, I'm trying an experiment. It's really more of a laziness thing. But more than anything, it's for me to get my butt in gear and do something beside mope around or brood. So here's the thing: I am gonna get a coworker to suggest a random topic and then I am gonna fling a bunch of words at and try to pass it off as funny.

First, here's how went. First, I approached two different people for two different topics. You know, give myself options. This is what I got: the difference between toaster strudels and pop tarts and are we winning the war on terror?

.....yes, I am also wanting to slap both idiots with a halibut. But I brought this on myself, so I gotta man up and put this stuff down. Or like my dad always used to say, "Son, you're an idiot and I'm sorry we adopted you."

So, I'm gonna mash them up and get...what is the difference between toaster strudels, pop tarts and the war on terror and which one is winning? (I could totally see this in some government or sociology college class as an essay question on a test. Be pretty funny to watch as the self important student taking the test head explodes like in "Scanners".)

I'll answer this as such: there is no difference and no one is winning. Except perhaps Pillsbury or Kellogg's. And maybe that's the conspiracy. The hands guiding events behind the scenes. I can easily accept some secret cabal of breakfast food characters meeting around a table, directing world events. A scene played out, something like this....

Scene: An underground bunker, deep in the bowels of the Earth. A dark, forbidding room with a large meeting table. Seated around the table sit several "beloved" characters from various breakfast foods. The Trix Rabbit, Tony the Tiger, Snap, Crackle and Pop, The Pillsbury Doughboy, Lucky the Leprechaun, Cap'n Crunch, Raisin Scoops Sun, Count Chocula, Frankenberry and Boo Berry, Cookie Crisp Thief, Sonny the Coco Bird and the NesQuik Bunny. A meeting is underway.

Cap'n Crunch: So, we're in agreement then? We continue to slip in mind control drugs in our product?
Tony the Tiger: They'rrreee gggrrrreeeaattt!!!
Cap'n Crunch: All in favor, say 'Aye'.
(A chorus of 'Ayes' follow.)
Crunch: Opposed?
(Crickets chirp.)
Count Chocula: So, the motion is carried, awh-awh-hah.
Lucky: Aye, we'll see those wee little tossers steal me Lucky Charms. I'll just tell them to jump down a f#@$ing well. Where's me bloody drink?
Pillsbury: Hee-hee!
Lucky: Shut it, ya' bloody poofter!
Crunch: Order, order. Now, for the next piece of business-
Snap: Hold it.
Crackle: We want to discuss something.
Pop: Namely, the seating arrangements.
Crunch: Very well, what's the problem?
Snap: We want to move.
Crackle: Like somewhere else.
Pop: This seat sucks.
NesQuik Bunny: Oh, cry me a damn river. I'm stuck over here between the the junkie (gesturing at Sonny)-
Sonny: I can't help it. I'm cuckoo for Coco Puffs. I need the stuff...
NesQuik: -and this creep wants to suck on me because he thinks I'm made of chocolate or some crap...hey! Cut it out!
(Count Chocula was trying to suck his neck in classic vampire fashion)
Count Chocula: Blah-blah, I can't help it. You must be filled with chocolatey goodness.
NesQuik: I'm seriously gonna find a stake of some sort and use it on you.
Snap: Hey, we're talkin' here.
Crackle: We ain't finished yet, jerk weed.
Pop: (Pause) Err, what they said.
Trix: Does anyone else find that annoying?
Snap: Can we get back on topic here?
Crackle: We want to move.
Pop: We're sitting too close to Two Scoops here (He gestures to the Raisin Bran Sun).
Tony: Why? He's gggrrrrreeeaatttt!!
Snap: Um, yeah. Not really.
Crackle: He pulls out these raisins that go everywhere.
Pop: And I think I'm developing skin cancer due to the close proximity to the UV rays.
Snap: Also, he's melting the seat.
Crackle: Burning plastic smells like ass, you know?
Pop: And it burns your lungs, breathing this crap in.
Cookie Crisp: I don't think it's doing Pillsbury any favors either. (He gestures to the Doughboy, seated on the other side of Two Scoops.)
Pillsbury: It's true. My skin is turning a lightly brown, flaky and with a hint of butter.
Crunch: Oh is that it? I thought someone was baking pastries. Delicious and hot pastries...(He's drooling.)
Frankenberry: How is the alliance going with the Taliban?
Crunch: (Hurriedly) Uh, great, great. Al Queda too. But we'll have to table it for now. (He gets an evil look on his face) It's time for a snack break.
(All eyes turn to Pillsbury.)
Pillsbury: Uh-oh. Uh, nothing says lovin' like a hot biscuit..err, I mean, uh...oh crap.
Trix: Get his legs first, that way he can't run.
Tony: Pastry breaks are ggggrrrrrreeeaaa- (He's cut off as gets hit with a large shillelagh.)
Lucky: Oi, stuff it, ya' wanker!

As we leave this happy scene, bear in mind this: This is probably happening as we speak, so beware. Now, I'm hungry for pastries, dammit.


And now for your viewing pleasure, an out of context re-edit of one of the Presidential debates:


The Not So Presidential Debate from aaron sedlak on Vimeo

And now a brief word regarding this rather lengthy intermission...

Hey peeps, how is it hanging? Well, I'm sure most of you who read this thing (and you know who you are) have been wondering if this thing would ever have any new entries. Well, I have an answer for you. And that definite and defiant answer is this: probably. I'm gonna let that soak in.

....

Has it soaked in yet? Good, I...oh it hasn't? I thought...alright, I'll wait some more.

....

Is this gonna take long? Do I have anything better to do? *indignant sputtering* Well, of course I...how dare you, sir (or madam)? I've got so much going on...I can't believe you would even ask such a stupid...no, I have nothing better to do, I suppose. *sigh*

Alright, continuing on. You may be asking what the impetus is for such a momentous occasion. A couple of things, actually. First, the overwhelming desire to write has been beating me about the ears with a tuna fish for some time now. The itch has grown and I need to scratch it. Or rub some aloe vera on it. Also, as been stated in these very pages and by other people who have a vested interest in my welfare (i.e. friends and family), I need to keep writing. Even if it's just a form of therapy. But probably more to the point, the whole situation that prevented me from writing (at least on a mental level, if not emotional) may finally, blessedly be coming to an end, for better or for worse. Which has had the benefit of freeing up my head to engage once again in the insane zaniness to which it is accustomed.

So, I guess it took a natural disaster to knock me out of my general malaise regarding this thing. But when the Gulf Coast/Houston area takes a pounding from an Ike and our name isn't Tina, it causes you to re-examine things, I suppose. And yes, that last line was just an excuse to throw in a Ike-Tina joke. But I've been holding on to those one-liners since I found out Ike was heading here and dammit, I was gonna use one eventually.

So, I'm back, baby. I guess like Ari Gold would say, "Let's hug it out, bitch."

The funny has been gone lately...

To the couple of you who read this, I'm sorry I haven't been writing. There has been a lot of stress occupying my personal life lately and it has literally sucked the inspiration to write, er, right out of me. One day, I may or may not reveal everything that is going on at some point down the line as it would probably be a good story and illustrate the importance of faith, leaning on your friends and family and a general appreciation of your life and the things we all take for granted. This entry isn't quite "A Very Special Episode" territory yet. But it has the potential. All I'll say is if you are the praying type, please keep me and the family in your prayers. If you're not, think kindly of us or whatever it is you do.

Having said all of that, I hope to begin contributing more insanity to the world again on a regular basis. School is ending and a new job is hopefully looming on the horizon, so hopefully soon, the Robot Monkey will be flinging cybernetic fecal matter in your direction.