Mothers...and Harry Caray

From the farthest reaches of your imagination and the limits of your moral frontier, here I am to scratch you behind the ears. I hope all is well in your personal hemisphere.

Well, after a week being held captive to the whims and desires of power mad oil magnates and depraved desert sheiks, my great ordeal is over. Or as we like to say around here, "OTC has ended." I won't bore you with specifics, suffice to say OTC is a four day Oil and Technology Conference held here where I work every year. And now it's over. And that's all I have to say about that.

Needless to say, it's been a fairly uneventful time. Which can be a good or bad thing, depending on your viewpoint.

Mother's Day came and went and a good time was had by all. Even me and it is a holiday I usually loathe. Now, before everyone picks up the pitchfork and decides to try and burn down the windmill I'm hiding in, let me clarify. I'm all about moms. I love moms. I have several, including the one that birthed me that still dotes on me. Hell, I married one (I mean, she wasn't one when we got married or anything but I certainly made her one a year later...Hu-wah!). Anyhoo, I don't even have anything against honoring them. The Bible tells us do it, all of us are born (or have it nurtured) with that connection from mother to child. What I hate is the idea of a holiday celebrating it.

(I said to put the damn pitchforks down. Yes, I'm talking to you.)

First, I hate any holiday of this ilk? What ilk, you ask? It's a woodland bovine creature with huge antlers. Haha, silly rabbit, I kid you.

I lump Father's Day, Valentine's Day, Grandparent's Day, Veteran's Day, etc; Any holiday you are mandated to celebrate some idea like this I detest. Unless it is something celebrating a specific event or thing or person, it is a lazy person's built-in escape clause. Don't appreciate your mom for making that trip out of the way, at the last minute, in the bad weather to get that thing you really need for whatever bullshit is important at the moment? Hey, give her a flower on Mother's Day, that'll cover you. Want to tell your dad you appreciate the sacrifices he made in his personal life to provide a better life for you? Buy him a crappy tie one day a year and he'll be filled with a sense of pride that he's doing the right thing. You really love that you significant other and want to make them feel really special? Take 'em out on a date one night a year and paint the town red. You'll be in like Flynn.

These holidays are like getting absolution for your sins for an entire year. I know this isn't applicable to everyone and that's great. But I'd be willing to bet it's true for more people than you think. And that's the reason I hate these holidays. And yes, I partake in them too but I think about these other things as well. My point is don't get sucked into the hoopla of honoring the people in your lives on just one day a year or once in awhile. Make it a more regular thing. That's true appreciation.

Alright, sermon over. Now, hardcore nudity!

...okay, maybe not. But I will tell you what my wife and I did for Mom Day. I leave it up to her. It's her day, whatever she wants to do. So what does she suggest? She wants wings and beer. Blew my mind a little but I roll very casual like so I'm definitely cool with it. Besides, it's her day right? So we go to BW3's, have wings and a beer or two then go see "Iron Man" (which wasn't a bad popcorn movie that appealed to my comic book sensibilities). Had a great time. That's it, nothing really crazy. Funny post script: As we're leaving the theater, I realize we sat and watched the entire movie seated right next to old friends we hadn't seen in like 8 years. So we visit with them for an hour and a half afterwards. Crazy, man.


And now, one of the only good things to come out of SNL since the legendary group of the 1990's, Will Ferrell as one of my favorite characters of his.



"If the moon was made of spare ribs, would you eat it?" Classic stuff.


And remember: Today is "Pick Your Nose And Massage a Wombat For World Peace Day". Don't forget to get a cake and kick a porcupine, because that's what a wombat would want you to do.