I, Robot Monkey...and Solomon Grundy..

I copied this idea from Liz: (who in turn copied it from somebody else so I guess this can be traced to a guy somewhere in Nigeria). Thanks for allowing me to make a lazy entry today, Lizard.

i am: at work, valiantly fending off the overwhelming tide of boredom.
i think: we would all better off if all of life's problems could be solved by the Kool-Aid Man busting through the walls and yelling "OH YEAH!"
i know: that I can be very infantile 98% of the time
i want: I want a new job that will completely provide for my family
i have: too much I want to do and not enough time to do it in
i wish: I had better focus so that I could take better advantage of all my downtime
i hate: stupid and selfish emotions
i miss: my friends
i fear: not realizing my full potential and wallowing in mediocrity
i feel: tired, but full of excitement
i hear: "Manna" by Rogue Wave
i smell: only the grossly obnoxious odor of the inside of my own nose (being stopped up sucks)
i crave: a pint of Guinness and a plate of fish and chips
i search: constantly for new experiences, whether it be music, movies, events or people
i wonder: will I ever fully realize my dreams
i regret: not making the most of some early opportunities in my life
i love: spending time with friends and family and entertaining the hell out of them
i ache: every time I turn on the news (which is all to often lately) and hear about more crimes committed against children
i care: about all the little things and the big things too
i always: have to respond to things with what passes for "witty" with me
i am not: weak
i believe: we need to be constantly learning and that when we stop, we cease to grow as humans
i dance: only when my wife begs me to
i sing: all the time and fantasize that I am performing for a large audience
i don’t always:
i fight: with the inane stupidity of most Americans on a daily basis
i write: blogs, novels I never finish, poetry, daily action reports. You know, the usual
i win: lose, or draw.
i lose: time. And my head.
i never: eat sushi. (Okay, I had to steal this one from Liz, as I utterly detest sushi)
i confuse: my political parties because honestly, they both seem the same to me either way
i listen: to sports radio talk shows more than I should (but I'm too much of a freakin' sports junkie)
i can usually be found: in front of my computer or in my truck
i am scared: roaches. Those damn things make me cry like a little baby.
i need: more money and a career that provides job fulfillment
i am happy about: the utterly silliness of life
You?


And with that, I sign off for an extended weekend (yay.) as I celebrate my birthday this weekend. And if anyone is in the H-Town area next weekend, we are having a shindig for my birthday (some people were not gonna be available this weekend [..uhm, Ashley...])on Saturday (May 3). So if your interested, give me a yell and I'll give you the pertinent info.

And now, to leave you with the obligatory odd video: a commercial for Cartoon Network from awhile back. The Injustice League in "Whiners can be losers." Enjoy. Because Solomon Grundy wants pants, too.

Because it's Tuesday...

...and I have no time to actually write an honest-to-goodness blog, I will just post some videos. Cause that's how my lazy ass rolls.

From a couple of years ago, this is called "LARPing". I call it "guaranteeing your virgin status". Funny stuff.


Lightning Bolt!

My favorite fake trailer. Imagine if you will, the cinematic classic "The Ten Commandments" remade today as a romantic teen comedy. With Samuel L. Jackson.



Here's a clip from a Bush press conference you may have not seen. Because THEY didn't want you to.



One of my favorite moments from "The Office"(U.S.). Jim and Dwight imitate each other. This is a great show. If you aren't watching it, you must have head trauma. Or a life, I suppose. *sigh*

Now with subtitles!


And now, music time:

First up, a great band sure to put a smile on your face. At least they do me.
I'm From Barcelona - "Collection of Stamps"



I'm From Barcelona - "We're From Barcelona"



Sufjan Stevens - "Chicago" (While not really video, this is a great song by one of my all time favorite artists)



Next posting should be more the usual thing. Good day.

A good time had by all, I guess...

Yes, it's Thursday and the majority of this blog is about this past weekend. I'm slow, what can I see. First, some updates for the previous entry (see Bittersweet Return):

A)The bank situation. Not merely content with screwing me once, Wachovia comes back for sloppy seconds. I get hit with more overdraft charges for things that should have gone through 4 or 5 days to a week prior. Which left me with a negative balance. It smelled funny and I never could get a satisfactory answer from anyone with Wachovia. And wouldn't you know it, I had just enabled direct deposit. But due to the time I discovered my account problem, it was too late for me to cancel my direct deposit. So, I went down to Wachovia Friday morning and withdrew everything from my account. I wanted to do this first before closing my account because honestly I didn't want them to attempt some sort of shennanigans with my money or give me grief. But, of course, because I did this and apparently whoever their system admin or bank computer programmer is (I'm assuming it's the same 8 year old child, which could be an unintended insult to 8 year olds everywhere), there was a problem closing out the account. It took me like 15 or 20 minutes for a trip that should have been only 5 minutes. So, if I can reiterate again: if the time comes and you have to make a banking choice between a blind chimpanzee with rabies or Wachovia, go with the blind, rabid chimp, it's definitely the safer bet. Oh and our final banking destination? We went with Capitol One. Meg and I got a good vibe with them (they were honest and upfront with us, which was a definite upgrade). I'll keep you posted on how things work out with them.

B) The hard drive issue. Needless to say, there are lots of things I'm gonna have to leave unsaid about this one at the risk of hurting some feelings with people who may or may not read this thing. Suffice to say, the hard drive cratered before I was actually able to pull anything off it. So over 400 GB of data are gone. All my music, movies, family pictures, some writing, and my detailed catalog of my movie library on DVD (Don't laugh, I have almost 2000 movies and television series collected.). Gone. On the bright side, I got my replacement hard drive yesterday. Yay.

Now, onwards. This weekend my good friend (and godfather to my kids) Marcus, came over for an evening of video games, movies, adult beverages and good food. I played Assassin's Creed (which is a hell of a fun game)and BioShock (another great game). We drank a nice amount of adult beverages, had a great dinner and watched "No Country For Old Men". It was a great movie, beautifully shot, with great characters that drew you in. And yes, the ending is a bit...unexpected (and no, I don't mean it has some sort of M. Night Shyamalan twist ending) but I don't believe it detracted from the film in any way. I highly recommend it. One of the first films in awhile (excluding "The Departed", which also deserved it) that got the "Best Picture Oscar" and deserved it.

Then, Marcus went home and everyone except my sister-in-law and myself went to bed. I wanted to watch another movie, so I fired up "Pathfinder". I thought, "This one has to be kinda good. I mean c'mon, it's gotten Indians and Vikings. Swords, action, one of the guys from 'Lord Of The Rings'." Now, I'm gonna chalk it up to the aforementioned beverages because I was feeling pretty good. But it took until almost the halfway point of the movie when I was struck by an epiphany. I stopped, looked at Jamie and said, "Oh my god. This is a BAD movie. Dammit." The "Dammit" was because I was to the halfway point and I knew was going to have to now sit through the rest, just to finish it. I was too much invested in this steaming pile of celluloid to just quit now. Now, I know some of you would have no problem just picking up the remote and turning it off. But not me. I'm too obsessive to an almost masochistic extent. I have to watch to see the end. Whether it be the morbid fascination we usually attribute to watching a car wreck or wanting to see if there is something to the film, some redeeming quality or just that natural tendency to have any story left unfinished, I couldn't tell you. Maybe it's an amalgam of all these things and more. I just know, at that point I had to finish the stupid thing. Which I did. And I was still left feeling unfulfilled. Oh well.

That's all for now, folks. But mark your calenders as a very important date is approaching. Namely April 26. Or as it is known in parts of the world, "The Celebration of the Day of Birth of Sir Kyle Robot-Monkey." Yes, bee-yotches, it's my birthday so plan accordingly.

And because life can be so confusing sometimes, I present this well viewed video of the infamous Miss South Carolina...with subtitles! Enjoy.

A bittersweet return...

I know it's been over a month since last I posted (excluding the videos I posted), so in advance, I'm sorry. But you can stop judging me with your holier-than-thou attitude, okay? I saw you, sitting on your couch, eating chocolate bon-bons, watching your "stories". Sitting there in your "Power Ranger" under roos, with Cheeto-stained bathrobe, scratching your butt, awash in your own filth.

...Oh, that wasn't you? Well, who the hell's house was I standing outside of? Well, that will probably be another restraining order. Moving on, it's good to be back in the saddle like Heath Ledger on Jake Gyllenhal. The horse people and sheep molesters finished their big wingding and moved on and then some NCAA regional action and I just had nothing to say. Well, that's kinda still the case. Except it's not. Like last week.

Last week was, for the most part, normal. Except for three kinda big things. I will now proceed to list them. As follows:

1) My youngest, Ainsley (2 years)got really sick due to a sinus infection. When I mean sick, I mean continous coughing, being irritable and high fever. It got so bad with her fever getting as high as 104.4, which almost meant an ER visit. And since she was not feeling good, she was sharing our bed. Needless to say, not much sleep was gotten all the way around.

2) My computer hard drive decided it was time to die. My 500 GB hard drive. My 500 GB hard drive that is almost filled up with 330 GB's of MP3s, and the rest filled with programs, family pictures and two complete seasons of my all time favorite show, Mystery Science Theater 3000. So, the hardware dying was not a happy development. And that's a lotta data to try and transfer.

3) This one kinda takes the cake. Back in November, I switched banks and joined Wachovia. Big mistake. To start with, their policy is apparently to put holds on random deposits for new accounts for the first 90 days after the account is opened. This was a pain but at least if I knew about it, I could deal with it. The teller would inform me that my check was being held and I would grin and bear it. Now so far, besides the inconvience factor of not having my money immediately available to me(which was a BIG inconvience), the only problem was the fact that none of this was discussed with me when I opened the account. Well, the "probationary" (or whatever the hell you want to call it) period had ended so everything was peachy. So, two weeks ago, I deposit my paycheck and everything is cool, the bank teller lady doesn't say crap and I pocket my receipt and head down the road. Fast forward to to Tuesday morning. I stop and get gas and my account balance is substantially less than it should be. I get to work, go online and check things out. Apparently, I have been hit for (are you ready for this?) $280 in overdraft fees. Of course, this prompts some questions that need answering. First and foremost, what the hell? I do some "research" (I'll spare you the numerous back and forth phone call blow by blow) and come to find out that my bank does this thing where if you have had overdrafts (and I had, like two pay periods back), they will put a hold on random deposits. If that's their policy, that's fine but the pricks should have said that was their policy upfront (which they didn't). And to top it all off, the kindly teller lady mentioned NOTHING about any hold. And yes, I should have checked my receipt because I should have known to be my bank's watchdog. But I didn't and proceeded to treat it as a normal weekend in which we did the grocery shopping (and since my brother and his wife are still living with us, not a cheap thing) and took the family out for dinner. As well as other little charges going through. Which totalled $280 in fees.

For each of these situations, there was a resolution. Only one of the three was not a positive conclusion. Can you guess which one?

Here's how it shook down:

1) The very next day, Ainsley's fever was gone and she started getting better. She is almost back to normal, although she is doing the "terrible two's" dance right now, so give and take I suppose.

2) My hard drive is still covered under warranty by the retailer where I purchased it through. So I just have to pull off the data on there, put it on different drives (which two of my friends have let me borrow hard drives for this purpose) and send back to the supplier for a new one.

3) So, I fought and argued and Wachovia decided they would reimburse me. The entire $280? Well, of course not, silly. It wasn't a bank error, it was mine, didn't you know? So, how much did I get back? $70. Now, I don't know about you, but since Megan lost her job last year in March and got a job making A LOT LESS, we live paycheck to paycheck (and sometimes that isn't enough to pay all the bills). So, I really couldn't afford not to have that $210. But they didn't care. So neither should, I suppose. Hell, my mother was even prompted to vulgarity. She said prostitutes make out better than I did, sometime they even get dinner first. I love my mom. Needless, I'm moving my business elsewhere. Also needless to say, by Friday, I was ready to indulge in copious amounts of adult beverages.

So, if you take nothing else away form this blog, at least take this: steer well clear of Wachovia for your banking or finacial needs. They don't care about you and will screw you at the first opportunity.

Sorry, if this blog was not filled to the brim with more hilarity, but it's been a downer couple of weeks. I promise, I'll do better next time. So, in effort to save this one, I present for your consumption "Coming To Alderaan". Enjoy!



Ahaa!