Be a better lover and please her with your enormous foot...

Ha! I could hear you pondering, wondering "Will the infamous Robot Monkey post another blog before the year ends? Will he continue any of the supposed ongoing columns, like 'Date Night' or 'The Best of... List'? Is it true his tears will heal a unicorn of flatulence?"

First, the answer to your last query...yes, they do. Also, they act as a unicorn aphrodisiac, which yes, is slightly disturbing.

Second, to your next question...undecided. I honestly am just gonna play how I feel. So, maybe.

And thirdly...well, you have answer, don't you? Oh snap.

Now that we have the formalities out of the way, on to the hilarity. Or as I like to call it, the insomnia killer. Yes, it's true. My brand of humor has been know to induce vomiting or sleeping, varying from person to person. Enjoy!

Well, I have had an interesting week last week. And when I say interesting, I mean boring. One of the highlights that I feel compelled to share is clearing out my junk email inbox. Normally, this is done with the minimal of paying attention to subject lines. I usually just look at the addresses, looking for legitimate emails that slip through the cracks. This past week (for whatever reason) I paid closer attention than I normally would have to the subject lines listed herein. I was rewarded with a menagerie of bizarre subjects to emails that I would never have believed. So without further ado, here are some of the subject lines I actually had in my junk email. No addresses or anything though since I'm not gonna give them free advertising. They are presented here, unedited with all punctuation, grammar and spelling left as is.

(Note: Some of these are sexual in nature and contain some adult language. Reader discretion advised.)








"Engorge her with your mansword"
"Have a much huger erection than she wants"
"Ass rimming the easy way"
"No white rabbit but gold is coming your way"
"Caution! A money opportunity!"
"Someday your prince will come"
"Enlarge your bust 3 times!!!"
"Kan you helps a man fellow?"
"What keeps you young? luving rabbit style!!!!"

And the award for most bizarre goes to...

"Hot latinas banged by Germans"

I'm sure my junk mail is no different than yours but usually I just scan it and don't really read it. Wow.

If we don't talk again before the holidays, Happy Christmas and A Valid New Year!

Shalom!

Once again, sailing the Seas of Bloggery...

So, yeah....lameness.

Let's see: my last couple of blog entries have been posts have been about my lack of a new blog entry. And the last one was apparently last year.

Lame. I know.

So, no more promises. No more lame excuses. No more references to absences on the Seas of Bloggery. Just the blogs. Take 'em or leave 'em. Enjoy them or don't. Now, on with the show.

SO, my wife and I have been trying to find new ways to spend time together. But we're kinda poor and have three kids, so going out is not always an option. So I had an idea. Cinema is one of my passions. Food is one of hers. So I thought, "Why not marry the two?" And the idea of a regular thing is born: dinner and a movie...with a twist. The idea is this: I will pick a movie she has never seen and she will fix a meal in the same theme. This way, we both expose the other person to a new experience while simultaneously sharing our passion with each other. Help us learn a little about each other. I wish we had thought of this years ago.

Nevertheless, we are both excited. For our first date, I select Fellini's 8 1/2, one of my favorite films. Of course, I had a slight ulterior motive in selecting an Italian film.

I have been requesting Chicken Parmigiana (one of my favorites) for some time now. I thought by selecting Italian, I would push her into my corner. Imagine my surprise (and disappointment) when she immediately informed me, that her meal would not be Chicken Parmigiana. Ahhh, man. Instead, she decided on Braised Ribs, polenta and asparagus (which I abstained from since I am not a fan of asparagus). She was going to make tiramisu for desert but apparently the story was out of ladyfingers. Sad face. So, Sunday night arrives. We put the kids in bed and sit down to enjoy dinner, the movie and most importantly each others company.

First, the meal. The ribs were great. The polenta...eh. Reminded me of something akin to oatmeal or grits, that same kind of consistency and texture. Didn't hate it but was not my favorite. It did well mixed with ribs and the gravy from the ribs. All in all, a very enjoyable meal (but still not Chicken Parmigiana...I know, I know, I'll shut up).

Next, the movie. I love this film. I haven't seen it in a couple of years which allowed me to watch it semi-fresh again. Marcello Mastriantonio is Fellini's alter ego in this essentially and is great. Claudia Cardinale is absolutely radiant in her small role as herself and as Mastriantonio's vision of the ideal woman. The movie waltzes from reality to fantasy that by the end of the movie, the lines aren't so much blurred as erased completely. A brilliant portrait of ego, creative block and the pressures of living up to high, almost unreal, expectations. Several films owe their birth to this movie: Stardust Memories, Living In Oblivion, Nine (a musical adapting the movie) and a host of other films. A great film, consistently on top of many "Best of" lists.

Afterwords, we talked about the film: if she liked it, what we liked or didn't like, what did particular things represent, overall impressions, etc; Overall, it was an enjoyable evening of good food, good cinema and good companionship. What more can you ask for?

....except for maybe Chicken Parmigiana :P.