We need to have a serious talk....

Welcome, friends, to another installment of this fantastic voyage through my thoughts. When I started this thing, it was the with intent to keep everyone informed/entertained with the happenings of my life and keep flexing my creative mind and writing muscle. Most times, I tend to straddle a fine line between the sacred, the profound and the profane. And some of these entries aren't for everyone, containing themes with adult language, adult content and sometimes, just good, old fashioned bestiality. I understand that and can completely appreciate it. No problem.

But today, I feel the need to address a very serious issue. Something the mainstream media is not addressing. The world at large seems to be more concerned with the conflict in the Middle East, Iraq, the crisis in Darfur and the worldwide economic slump. But this is bigger than all of those. What is this moral emergency that threatens to engulf with us with anarchy? "Pregnant gals and a mime". What's that you say? You haven't heard of this? I'm not surprised. This is something that is being under reported. Why? Well, I could say it was because of bias in the media, but I think the more likely answer is this: people don't care. And that's just sad.

How did this come to my attention, you ask? (No, I'm not putting words in your mouth. If I was, you would have said "I enjoy rubbing grape jelly all over my body, while furiously masturbating to pornographic German animation from the 1920's. Also, Kyle rocks my world and I wish I was him." That's what you would have said. Oh yeah...) Anyway, it came to my attention through that maverick icon with intestinal fortitude to tell it like it is: Jerry Springer. Yeah, the Springer. Now to be fair, I'm not entirely sure what the hell was going on for a couple of reasons: 1)I was at work and I had a lot of things to keep track of. 2)I kept flipping past it because I don't watch "Springer". Now, as a result of this, I have no idea what the show was about. I don't know if it was a mime, running around getting chicks pregnant or the dual problem of unwanted pregnancies and unwanted mimes or if it was pregnant girls who wanted a mime to help them tell their respective others the news. No clue. I just know that this is our new national emergency and it needs our attention.

Now, the real question: What can we do? A couple of things: 1)Beat the crap out of all mimes because they are all inherently bastards. 2)Warn all pregnant "gals" to stay away from mimes because they are trouble with a capital "T" (and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for Pool...oh, we got trouble). 3)Teach all pregnant "gals" the joys and wonder of interpretive dance so they can express themselves without the need for a mime translator. 4)Donate money to charities. And I sense most of you will favor this last option. Therefore, I will be setting up a charity for you to feel better about yourselves. It's called "The Robot Monkey Universal Army Against Mimes Who Knock Up Gals" (or T.R.M.U.A.M.W.K.U.G). I'll set up a link for folks to donate money. For every 10 dollars donated, I will personally say something very mean about a mime. Also, for every 20 dollars donated, I will draw a picture of the mime in a VERY compromising position.

Please, let us all do what we can to combat this horrible epidemic. Besides, mimes suck.


And now, to take our minds off this horrible tragedy, one of my favorite bands: The Decemberists with their hit, "16 Military Wives".